Sunday, May 17, 2009

Velcro Dogs

That's Charlie and Sammy. They're brothers. Annie gave them to me as a consolation prize for turning 50. They make me laugh every day.
Sammy is on the left. He tries to be very brave around strangers, but is still terrified of little kids. His favorite toy is his little yellow tennis ball which he throws up in the air and chases around all the time. When he goes into his crate at night, he likes his ball or his stuffed squirrel to sleep with. Sammy is lean and athletic and sometimes he looks like a cross between the Sphinx and a deer. He has huge black eyes that always seem to be trying to say something to me. He loves to run that flat out doggie run with his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth and his ears flapping all over. He also loves to climb and believes that it is his purpose in life to make sure there are no crumbs left on the table after dinner. One Thanksgiving, he ate half a pumpkin pie while we were waving goodbye to guests. Another time, he ate a starfish in the living room while we were eating tuna casserole in the kitchen.
Charlie is on the right. He's a little snuggler. If my stomach growls when he's sitting on my lap, he looks at it and growls back. Charlie is braver with people than Sammy, but he happens to be afraid of paper, cell phones, magazines, bugs, dryer sheets and flashlights. Oh, and wind. Charlie silently bares his teeth when he doesn't like something, which is pretty funny to see. He bares his teeth at the vet. He bares his teeth when Sammy takes up most of the sunbeam on the living room carpet. He bares his teeth and grouches when you get him up off your lap to go to his crate for the night. He eats by taking one piece of food into the dining room and eating it on the oriental rug. Then he goes back to the kitchen for his next piece. We call it his diet and exercise program.
Sammy and Charlie LIVE to sit on my lap. It is their mission, their goal in life, their reason for living. Which is wonderful when you're confined to the couch following foot surgery, but not so good when your house has dust bunnies or you're out of clean underwear or need to go to work. I even have a video of Sammy climbing up my leg like a cat to make me hold him because I was cleaning up the kitchen instead of making a lap. Over the past two years, I've learned how to scrapbook while holding puppies, pluck my eyebrows while holding puppies and even post on my blog while holding puppies. (That's where all those misspellings come from!) If Darwin's adaptation of the species holds true, my arms are going to be six feet long pretty soon.
OK, now you've heard from Good Dog Mom. But here's Bad Dog Mom: I am so tired of having them follow me everywhere then sit on me that I could just scream. If I'm in the house, there are dogs either (a) sitting on me or (b) following on my heels. Seriously. Step from the sink to the refrigerator and look back: two little furries standing there staring at me. Two steps back to the sink: still there. Walk from the computer into the living room to get my glasses and then come back to the computer: tippy tappy toenails of two puppies following right behind. Stand at the kitchen table decorating a birthday cake for an hour: two little chihuahuas walking around on their hind legs to see if I need any help. Come out of the bathroom: two doggies waiting with their little chins on their paws.
Every time I look at them, they cock their little heads to one side and make their eyes all big and sad till you can almost see a tear forming at the corner cuz they have no one to sit on and no one to snuggle with. OMG. I'm going to lose my mind.
Right now, my left elbow feels like it's going to break because Charlie has benn resting his head on it and Sammy's been licking my hands the whole time I've been typing out this post. I've put them down twice but guess what? They just jumped back up into my lap.
Oh well. Maybe I'll just become a sloth and make couch potatodom my new ambition. Windows need washed? Oh, sorry - I have to sit with my dogs. Time to make dinner? Oooh, better get Dominos on the phone cuz, geez, my dogs need to be snuggled. Actually, all I need to do is win the lottery and my problems are over. I could hire people to do all life's mundane tasks leaving me more time to pamper puppies.
In the meantime, however, I've been looking for those papoose things they make for moms to carry their babies. Maybe I can find one that will hold two dogs Wait! That's what I need to do: design a double puppy papoose! Then I could retire and stay home.
Hmmm. This could be a challenge. Exactly how do I go about sketching out plans for a double puppy papoose if I'm holding a dog who's afraid of paper???


  1. Your posts always make me laugh out loud! I am so glad you started blogging. The stories about your puppies/babies are so enjoyable.

    I don't know where to find a puppy carrier like you need - but you are right - if you can find a way to invent one, it might solve all your problems!


  2. I feel for you Lori. I have pretty much the same problem with my Polo. Ask Kelly. He either wants to be petted or feed. Either way, it is a constant in your space event. However, I love that little pooch. He is the only male in the house!

  3. Oh, girl! You are too funny!! I have a dog that takes his dinner "to go," too! LOL

  4. Too funny Lori! Sounds like you need the Dog Whisperer or Victoria from It's Me or the Dog!!! It sure is hard to say no and mean it most of the time tho... Loved your stories and heartfelt writing! Welcome back to blogging! (BTW - I have a doggie story and a slideshow on my blog if you're surfing...)

  5. you are so funny...I love your stories

  6. oh my gosh you are sooo funny!!!! love your blogging today.. my DS keeps asking when we are going to get a dog... depends when I feel like potty training it!!! LOL