Saturday, November 14, 2009

Recent Lessons

1. It is possible to carry a mostly empty 2 liter bottle of Diet Pepsi from the refrigerator to the living room all by yourself while crutching. I know this because it is now 1:40AM, everyone in the house is asleep but me and I got thirsty.
2. While it is possible to shove snacks into a 2 liter bottle, it is impossible to retrieve snacks from a 2 liter bottle without the use of chopsticks. Unless, of course, you snack on leftover spaghetti.
3. In MY bloodstream, narcotics have the same half life as plutonium.
4. I could never make it as a drug addict.
5. I am a great dog mom so am surprised to learn that I would give my right arm to be dog-free for an hour. Since I'm no longer much of a moving target, my puppies are on top of me 24/7. I shall no longer refer to them as DaBoys. From this point forward, they shall be known as VELCRO DOGS.
6. VelcroDog Charlie has overcome his fear of notebook computers. I know this should make me proud but it doesn't. Bad dog mom. Bad. Bad.
7. It is remarkably inconvenient to post to your blog using a notebook computer balanced precariously on the left arm of your chair because your lap is full of canines.
8. It is okay to be the teensiest bit resentful of people who can go to sleep at all the right times of the day.
9. Warm laptop battery + warm VelcroDogs + warm chenille robe + hot flashes = God must have a very weird sense of humor.
10. It is impossible to do the PTH (Public Toilet Hover) when you only have one foot to stand on. Thank God Target has clean bathrooms.

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